How to Talk to Your Partner About Money

Whether discussing shared savings goals or putting your heads together to better a difficult financial situation, talking about money with your partner can be an important step in your relationship.

In our guide, thimbl explores when it might be appropriate to share your financial situation with your partner, and the best time to bring up a conversation about money.

5 interesting money statistics for couples

1. 45% of UK couples wait until they move in together before they talk about money.
2. 29% of couples living together in the UK admit to hiding purchases from one another.
3. One in five UK adults between the ages of 18 and 40 admits to living with a partner primarily to help with living costs.
4. 75% of couples consider financial compatibility as a crucial factor in relationship success.
5. One survey revealed that 15% of respondents found talking to their partner about money ‘challenging and stressful’.

Should I talk to my partner about money?

Whether you talk to your partner about money is entirely your decision, and how much you share could depend on how far into the relationship you are.
If it’s early days, there probably isn’t any need to bring up your financial situation. On the other hand, if you’re hoping to build a future with your partner, you might think about starting a conversation about money to ensure your financial priorities and goals align. For example, are you hoping to save for a mortgage together?

If you already live with your partner, it’s likely you’ll already have a good idea about each other’s financial circumstances, especially if you share a mortgage and bills.
When sharing financial responsibilities, it’s important to be transparent about your finances, especially if something were to change, such as a job loss.

Should I tell my partner how much money I have in savings?

Again, this depends on personal preference and where you are in your relationship.
If you already live with your partner, things like personal savings, pay rises, and work bonuses don’t necessarily need to be discussed with your partner if you don’t want to, unless they directly impact your joint commitments.

A recent survey revealed that 47% of respondents have money saved that their partner is unaware of, with the secret amount averaging at £6,000.

Should I tell my partner my credit score?

When you apply for a credit product, such as a mortgage, your credit score will play a huge role in the provider’s decision whether to lend you the money and will impact the rate of interest you’re offered.
With this in mind, it’s a good idea to be honest about your credit score as soon as you start making plans as a couple, so that you can manage expectations and work together to build healthy financial habits.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that when you share an account with someone, you become financially linked to them, and your credit scores could affect one another. If your partner has a bad credit score, it could have a negative effect on your own, and vice versa.

Should I tell my partner about my debt?

It’s a good idea to tell your partner about your debt, especially if you live together.
Finding yourself in a debt spiral can feel really scary, but you have nothing to be ashamed of, and you do not need to face this alone.
If you don’t feel ready to open up to your partner yet, please know that you can seek free, impartial, confidential debt and money advice through any of the following charities and organisations: StepChange, MoneyHelper, Citizens Advice, and National Debtline.

This useful StepChange article explains how to talk to your loved ones about debt.

Talking to your partner about money: pointers to get you started

• What are your current financial priorities? What are you working towards financially? A mortgage? A holiday? A savings pot for future children?
• How much money do you save monthly? How much money could you realistically save each month?
• Do you have any debt? Are you taking steps to reduce the amount of debt that you owe?
• What’s your credit score? Do you have any county court judgments (CCJs) or Individual Voluntary Arrangements (IVAs)? Have you ever declared bankruptcy?
• If you live together, is your current financial set-up working for you both? Are either of you struggling to keep up with financial commitments?
• Has one of you experienced a change in financial situation, for example, the loss of a job or a pay rise? How will your joint finances be impacted by this, and how can you adjust to the changes?
• Are you actively saving for retirement? Do you pay into a pension?

How to have a conversation about money with your partner

1. Choose the right time. Try to avoid heavy conversations if either of you is stressed or tired.
2. Pick a neutral, private location. Don’t bring it up in the middle of a nice meal out or on a busy train. Plan your conversation around a quiet, relaxed environment, such as while you’re out for a walk.
3. Avoid judgment. When it comes to money, we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. You might not agree with how your partner spends or saves but avoid shaming them. Instead, find a way to encourage healthy financial behaviours.
4. Make a plan. Whether discussing future goals or a change in your joint finances, it’s important to work together to come up with a plan to suit you both.
5. Step away from any disagreements. 72% of couples admit to arguing about money. While it’s important to tackle any financial worries upfront, you might consider stepping back from the conversation if it gets tense.

Financial abuse

There are instances where sharing your financial circumstances might not feel safe.
If your partner restricts your access to your money, dictates how much you spend, or takes money from you, this is financial abuse. Unfortunately, financial abuse is not uncommon, with 8.7 million people in the UK having experienced it. Like all types of abuse, financial abuse - often referred to as economic abuse - can be subtle, and you might not even realise that you’re being affected by it. You can find out more about how to spot the signs of financial abuse and what to do if you’re worried about your situation in our blog here.

Remember, your safety is paramount, and nobody has the right to make you feel uncomfortable, intimidated, or threatened.